Swimming Upstream

Last month I wrote about depression so I thought I would elaborate on an idea I mentioned about swimming upstream….

You’re in a fast flowing river. You can see where you want to get to so you try to swim but you’re swimming upstream against the strong flow of water. It’s exhausting! You keep trying, you’ve maybe been there for weeks, months, even years trying desperately to reach your goal. It’s vital you reach it, nothing else will do! Things are passing by you on the surface of the water, things you want, things that would help you, but all your energy is used battling the flow of the water that is against you. You cannot reach any of the things you need, they just pass you by, flowing in the opposite direction downstream. You’re not getting anywhere and making little progress, you’re pretty much stationary battling the water to stay the course and not be taken downstream away from your goal.

Eventually you despair, you can no longer keep this up. It’s time to let go, to not care anymore. You feel beaten, a failure. But as you stop trying and let the water take you downstream, you surrender yourself to allowing the water just to take you where it wants. You feel a sense of great relief, a huge burden has lifted and somehow it doesn’t feel so bad letting go and going with the flow. One of those things floating on the surface passes near you, but you now have the energy to grab it. It helps you. Then comes along another thing which you also grab. A little while later there is a floating platform and you’re able to grab hold of that and pull yourself up out of the water. Now you’re no longer wet, you have some stability and you continue to pick up more things that float by. Going with the flow downstream isn’t so bad after all. You’re making progress and you’re being taken in directions you never would have imagined. Life is good again.
That’s really where I feel I am this year after a few years of battling to swim upstream.
I’ve always wanted to be in control, the master of my own destiny but in fact, I look at myself, my body, my personality, my talents and I realise these were given to me. So downstream it is, and I’ll take whatever comes my way.

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